"i bet chicks masturbate thinking about their weddings."

followed by an ecstatic "ooohh, my dress is gonna be soooo white!".

"nothing makes me happier than picking up an electric guitar, cranking it up to the max, and using it to praise god."

"Sorry, I can't multitask. If I could, I'd have a better job."

a stewardess on my flight

"he's the kind of guy that leaves that little "Windows" sticker on his laptop."