"all chicks on the subway in chicago after 2am have pictures of dicks on their phones."

"that's what i was telling you about earlier. remember, when i was putting sugar on my rice?"

"My mangina has really good taste."

"I can't believe how I lusted after her at 5 years-old. It's like my penis has an old soul."

"Forget about dancing. I want brain orgasm!"

"I'm gonna make his inner thighs my project."

"It's just a fact: You can't have a girlfriend AND a blog."

"If it always ended up being shallow, meaningless sex, I'd be MORE into it."

"I bled on an Indian man today."

"It's very gay, but it's good."