"Who these bitches are/I got all these girls in my car"

sung to the tune of "We Are Family"

"She looks like Juliette Lewis." "Juliette Lewis on crack. Oh wait, Juliette Lewis is on crack."

"Is that straight up, full-on milk? [reads label] Whoa, it says Straight Up Milk on the bottle!"

vitamin D

"If I had bike... I could do anything! I could... go to the mall! I could... where could I go? I could go to... park!"

"Take the top off, stick it in your butt, turn your self upside-down, and you're drinking tequila. It is a tequila bottle butt plug."

"She looks like a hot, downtrodden mom that you just want to take care of. What? It is in reference to an animated character!"

"Sorry, I had to pee and then I got the hiccups."

"dude, haven't you ever seen shit that exists?"

why the jackalope isn't all that unbelievable

"didn't you know mexicans are all 1 percent goth?"

how else do you explain the misfits and morrissey fixation?

"i'm like a fucking steak sandwich down there, christ."

my lady referring to walking around t.j.

"id make out with ben to go to antarctica"

"Open your mind and shut the fuck up!"

"I wonder what Richie Sambora is doing right now."

"Where's Jeff? I want to see what his skirt steak looks like."

"Sluts have slow internet connections. Everyone knows that."

"It's the only exercise I get: Sometimes I eat a burrito and then I decide I want a DVD."