"i'd rather be on Mars than have art"

why we should spend wisely

"dude, turn down that Enya!"

when your neighbor is just bumping too hard

"I don't know. But I likes me some titties!"

"Shit me. Shit me. Shit me. That was a bad move."

umfufu driving today

"You know what really bothers me? When kids eat syrup in the morning they smell like syrup all day."

"dude, the "myspace drop", that's like the ULTIMATE drop."

A:"Hey, are you Japanese or Chinese?" B:"Chinese." A:"Count to 10 in Japanese."

for example, some stupid-white-people-speak...

"Chinese, Japanes, dirty knees, look at these -- I mean, what does it even mean?" "White people say a lot of stupid stuff."

"i've been looking for an excuse to buy the new pink razr"

You know what Carpet Farming is, right?" "Uh, I know what Carpet MUNCHING is."

An actual conversation between two girls in a hot tub.

"Are they going out again?" "I think he's dipping into the archives."

"He bailed to Florida to escape his ex?" "Yah man. When you have no self-restraint, all you have left is geography."

Geographication.

"Josh, tell me, where did you put that lint?" "What, I put it back in!"

Belly-button lint y'all...

"Somebody should hire me as a drug-sniffing dog."

"you can totally buy fame; its not even that expensive"

"my balls need to be licked, so do it"

"you should be careful driving around in a 10 ton death machine"

"So, your girlfriend makes your lunch every day?" "No, not every day, actually. Just Monday through Friday."

"Who is Tatsu, and why would I want to ride at the speed of fear on him?"

"I made eye contact with this guy, who it seemed only had one functioning eye."

"Wow, you're like a unicorn from heaven!"

"Mexican food is so anti-Chinese."

"Champagne titties... Caviar dreams."

"When he's not molesting his family, he's really quite a savvy business man."

"I really like that nutsack."

in reference to an actual sack of nuts

"When are you going to stop wearing that beenie?" "When I start taking a shower in the morning."