"(sigh of discontent)..nobody gives a SHIT about thanksgiving. at least I don't."

"It is a shame he's going to get his balls snipped off, because that boy was made for love."

Life can't be wine spritzers and tequila all the time.

"I like the way he's cupping the balls... very considerate."

"Babies and rappers get all the good beverage containers."

i.e., bottles with nipples and Pimp-Cups

"If sex was kung fu, they'd be all about dead fish style."

"Do you want a pocket full of jerky?"

"I'm going to my dentist right now to pick up a bag of horse shit."

"yo man, that's what i do, i take chicks and make 'em think they're DEAD."

the power of the deru.

"Apparently if you have something rotting inside your face, you smell fucking awful."

This is the follow-up to the "hambooger saga." Diagnosis: no hamburger in the nasal passage, just some allergies.

"I'm bored and I played with my nose too much."

She thinks she has a piece of hamburger from a bbq two weeks ago stuck up in there.

"i hate her because when she sings, she sounds like she's smiling; and i hate imagining anyone smiling."

"I don't consider myself to be a musician, and I definitely don't consider myself to be a jammer -- that's what they call them: jammers."

"I need to find a man with big hands that can just, like pound me."

Massage