"i just hope she doesn't end up being one of those people i have to steam-roll over on my way through life."

"They sound like early to mid 90's math rock." "Math rock?"

p.s. i posted this one for josh, because i figured he's the only other person who would know what "Math Rock" is (other than the guy who said this quote, because i had no idea).

"I wonder if I could get my head waxed..."

"I'm really into fruit segregation." "One of my best friends is an orange."

"She's basically a serial killer–" "But in a really kid-friendly way."

"i didn't know that Elvis was 'the king' to filipinos."

'Dude, i've been averaging like, 1.5 Vaginas a night.' 'Wow, so I take it you have a high felatio ratio'.

"You're going to die... in a really cute way."

REMIX: "It's Hard Out Here for A Shrimp. Whole Lotta' Fishes Jumpin' Ship".

Do I smell an Oscar? Or just some stanky fish?

"All entrees listed in order of esoteric vibration."

"I have no idea why my camera started taking pictures of my cock."

"Dude hold me, for real."

"I've lost some respect for the WWE."

"Clam-Slam". It's the lesbian form of Cock-Blocking.

'I just joined this revolution.' 'Really, what's it about?' 'Um, I just found out about it yesterday, so I'm not sure. But it's awsome.'

"I wish Superman was real, and that I was him."

umfufu said this:)

"bread is just underwear for a sandwich. like, you'd rather not have to deal with it, but just having the meat loose is kinda uncomfortable."

"I have to remember to cross her off my list of women to attack from behind."

"Hey, if you know how to knit... forget it, that wasn't going to be funny."

"clamdiggers: the ultimate metaphor"

"I'm as happy as a sissy in boystown."

THE QUOTESBOOK

"You gonna pull out your onesie?"

also known as a singlet

"I mean Jeff is really cleaning that bone."

this was then stated by said asian person in her own defense

"Wow, you're sucking on that like an asian person."

to be clear, this was stated BY an asian person

"They all have tiny hands and they all need father figures."

"I was doing some freelance stalking."

"Shuttlecocks are mad expensive."

"Damn, you remember lots of details about my dukes."

Comment making it to the main-stage, number deuce.

"girls don't have deez, they have dis"

deez nuts

"Well, I am 30 now." 'Never a better time to fuck a melon!"

"Can I have a cigarrette?" "Sure, but it's laced with awesome."

"only girls think in 'collage'."

I ripped that deer's skin off like a prom dress

"I've managed to lose a few more chicks to my own commitment fear issues since we last talked, but..."

"...lucky for me, their's no shortage of scraggs in this town!"

"He's kind of like you if you were 45 and really weird."

'He only hits on chicks with kids. We call him "The Milf-Whisperer".