"i don't really think of prime ministers as politicians"

"if i didn't take everything to the max, i wouldn't need xanex all the time"

"she's the kind of girl who you could have a moderately intellectual conversation with, or slap your dick against her cheek"

true perhaps, but i say she has a hair-lip

"Man, it's pretty much all about clown dancing."

Yeah, I said it, so what?

"do you know how high i would be if the world was dead?"

"if i take my pants off, somebody's touching something"

"i don't think i farted a bunch of times, i think i farted once for 6 hours"

"those Spaniards... they can do things."

"it's like mouthwash for your genitalia."

"tell me it's not the one with Jo-Jo?" "na, I deleated the shit out of that one."

"What's Spanish for man?"

a kid who couldn't hold his margarita, in more ways than one

"Finntroll is really a rap group, except that they are polka-metal."

"... and that´s when I fell in love with Michael McDonald"

"I don't believe you. Name ONE animal that can not naturally swim." "My dad."

"There is a school called the Arkansas School for the Deaf, and their mascot is the Leopard. Dude, the Deaf Leopards. This is totally real. I swear."

http://www.state.ar.us/asd/athletics.htm

"Maybe if I went more they wouldn´t be so big."

"Something smells weird in here." "Maybe it's the ball-tea you're currently making."

Comments while on the bidet.

"we loved her in pieces of april"

dude james, sorry to get "meta" on you, but i actually heard the film critic on NPR say this today (in the midst of dissing the new batman

"That would be awesome! It would be like Rocky 2000... but in the past."

no way! it wasnt me at all! it was totally this dude from north dakota i was partying with in minneapolis.

Sorry to get all meta on you, but that was a pretty funny line...

"if i was a vet, i'd only fix giraffes"

"what's up Tone?" "not much, you know, i mean i ain't been sellin' records, but i keep it positive, like you know, the medina's half-full and shit"

re: a radio dj calling Tone-Loc

"she was brunette, but she was hot"

"I'll get my ball. You can close your office door and do it."

"am i drunk or is she wearing a Corona miniskirt?"

re: minneapolis booty at the kum & go

"it looks like a bag of dookie gone wrong"

not like a "bag of dookie" that's totally RIGHT.

"Did you guys talk about his soon-to-be-wife?" "A little bit. Mostly we talked about samurai and boxing. And ninjas."

"I hated her in Pieces of April, and that movie was, like, made to showcase a star."

"whoever said geometry is useless? you should see what this guy can do with a dodeccagon"

"even the ripest tomato would be jealous of how red it is"

"poo, i've got you surrounded..."

"I gotta touch all my instruments"

"Guys don't gossip. They talk shit."

"I lost my eye in an ass accident."

"This is one of the many times I wish I had a penis"

"nice tripod ya lame-ass"

"This is always gonna be white unless I get a fucking g-string."

"did you say bonzai?"

"you totally can't dolphin-kick."

"Feel the afterwrath of my math."

"weak. i really had my heart set on that Sprite Remix"

re: long walk in seattle ending at a vending machine that wont take bills

"why don't you pour me some wine and meet me in the room"

"kitten kinda stinks"

"do you know how nasty that's gonna be when it's just cream?"

"we've never seen dicks before, why don't we suck them"

"Lately I've been buying lots of, uh... little robots."

"would it be lame to astro-turf the back yard?"

"Did you say that tasted brown?"

"You probably saw the fear of babies in my eyes when you asked what was up."

"The first sneeze I squeezed my little twat so tight, but on the second sneeze I didn't stand a chance!"

"She was a bad-ass goddess."

"Is he swinging his sword to kill that monster?""Yup."