"Did you say Gullivera's Travels?" "Who is Gullivera?" "She is a naked giant woman, instead of a clothed giant man."

"You were with me right? When we saw Long-Duck-Dong?"

"loads of cash, pretty girls, LIVE horses...it doesn't get any better than this!"

"I was wondering, if the universe was condensed down inside a ball, what size the ball would be." "Do you need a calculator?"

"No, I can do it my head."

"I don't think they portrayed Barbi as brainless. She could swim! She had bathing-suits!"

"If it is prepared well, it could be good -- like all reptile meat."

"i'm hallucinating jalapenos on ALL burgers."

"I have contacted you in fact because I know a french people who succeed in "enter" in Hymen record, and you are in this label..."

"...I think sometimes it's important to know people like you"

"Dood, Hakuna Matada.....Sometimes, you just gotta get Disney with it"

Two year old (actual) quote....good god, some things are worth waiting for....

"Pararakeet's are the gift you give your enemy."

We are drunk, this was spoken, nothing is the same.

"Good Nuts, Great Taste. Their NUTritious Too!"

Its like..I'm Ken and you're Barbie and we have flat spots in the front.

"the older i get, the more communes make sense."

"Man, you just don't give a shit at night." "I'm pregnant at night."

"I think I'm going to need to bust out the first Jewel album."

"i just need a little piece of cotton, not a fucking D battery."

the intricacies of lady problems

"Having gay guys check you out is the safest way to let your lady know that you've still got it going on."

"Dude, Recalls are sweet...unless you die because of one."

"It's 6:15, I don't know where you are. But then I thought, it's 6:15, you're probably pooping!"

"Burbank's kinda ruff these days. You gotta stand tall. You can't show weakness."

"I can't party any more." "Dude, you can hold your own." "Yeah, I can party."

"I think driving to Hollywood will sober me up."

"I saw a video of you on your website." "Oh, was I naked with a leaf blower?"

"I have a hair trigger cock these days... Ready to go when the wind blows."