"give me some hickies here" (points to her breasts). "tickies, dude?"

what up all. i just want to reprazent on everyone for just passing the 400 entry mark. big ups go to ben and our newest initiate rd, and mad props to bry for taking the entries to new heights by expanding them past one sentence. keep on keeping it real.
p.s. what up j-dizzle, you think just cause youre married you dont say stupid shit anymore?

"Fuck him, I'm eating a peach."

"This is sandwich country."

"That stuff is just armpit flavoring."

re: organic deodorants

"Do I smell cumin? Or is that just the collective funk of our bodies?"

"I've got my seatbelt on and I've already taken two lives."

"What else can you do? You gotta eat some horse."

"It was great putting dirty dishes in a suitcase. When else do you get to do that?"

"Nyla's probably got really cute pee."

"remember when we were unemployed and used to have sex on the couch at 3pm?"

"I could put my nose in someones ass and sniff, that doesn't offend me. What offends me is poop!"

"sometimes being with you i kind of feel like a peadophile"

"theyre like circles with legs"

"I invented a new style of music. It's called 'Cheerleader Bass'. Lesbians love it"

"It was a hardcore lesbian, high-fashion strip show. Dykes were buying the clothes right off the models"

"We don't sell food, we sell smiles."

"robots have nothing to do with science"

"my whole house is naked"

"I woke up speaking Latin and had two leg nuggets as smooth as silk."

"I splash a little cold water on my eggs so the bag will shrivel up. Good, nice and tight."

"btw, i'm working without clothes on. i decided to try it. it's pretty weird."

This came at the end of a long, totally serious, paragraph.

"How do you want your tenderloin?"

"That's it -- I'm going to my funbox."

"Should we go deflate the castle?"

Later: "Man, FUCK the castle."

"The guy is nuts. He's really, really, really gay."

"Usually when I get like this, I just furiously masterbate, then go to sleep."

"Lettuce makes me mad. It's just THERE."